I laughed, because if I didn’t laugh I was going to fall apart.
I had known him since we were eight.
By sixteen, our families had already started joking about a wedding.
By twenty-eight, we had mailed the invitations.
Then life kicked us in the teeth.
I was going to fall apart.
Two months before the ceremony, Ben collapsed at work.
Everything I had ever planned turned to smoke.
“He has an aggressive form of cancer,” the doctor had told us. “Advanced. I’m sorry. We’re looking at months, not years.”
I remembered nodding without understanding the words.
I remembered Ben reaching for my hand and squeezing it too tight.
“We’re looking at months, not years.”
We canceled the ballroom, the flowers, and the caterers.
Instead, I asked the hospital chaplain if he would marry us in Room 407.
The chaplain arrived with a worn Bible and kind eyes.
A nurse ducked out on her lunch break and returned with a plastic veil from a party store.
Ben insisted on the ridiculous black bow tie I had bought him months ago.
It sat crooked against his hospital pajamas.
I asked the hospital chaplain if he would marry us.
“A groom has standards,” he said, tugging at it.
“You look like a very sick penguin.”
“Marry me anyway.”
I did.
I stood beside his bed and promised things I had believed since I was a child.
My voice cracked on every vow.
