Your roommate certainly thinks so. Marcus, who studies engineering and treats life like a series of solvable defects, listens to the whole story one night while eating cereal from the pot because all the bowls are dirty.
“She’s using you,” he says.
“She can barely stand.”
“That has never stopped anybody from being manipulative.”
You know he is not entirely wrong, which is what makes it sting. Poverty turns everyone into amateur forensic accountants of other people’s motives. Every unpaid favor has a cost. Every soft spot becomes a leak.
“I know,” you say.
“Then why do you keep going?”
You think about the empty refrigerator. The way her hands shake. The strange dignity with which she says thank you without ever sounding needy. The silence of that house, which no longer feels eerie so much as painfully unnecessary.
“I don’t know,” you lie.
The truth is simpler and harder to defend. You keep going because somewhere along the line, the job stopped being about the money and became about not wanting a human being to disappear one lonely afternoon with no one noticing for days. You know what neglect looks like. You grew up around its quieter versions. A landlord who does not fix heat in January. A school counselor who tells your mother community college might be “a more realistic fit” because nobody in your family has gone further. A man at a diner who talks to you like your time belongs to him because he left a five-dollar tip once.
Neglect is rarely theatrical. Mostly it is paperwork and indifference.
Mrs. Mercer begins talking more in February.
Not in big dramatic confessions, nothing that clean. Just bits of herself slipping loose around the edges of routine. She tells you she used to play piano, though the upright in the living room has not been tuned in twenty years. She tells you her husband, Arthur, died of a heart attack in the kitchen one summer morning while reaching for coffee. She says it without crying, like grief that old has long since calcified into architecture.
You ask once whether she has children nearby.
She gives a little laugh with no joy in it. “Nearby is a generous word.”
There are, apparently, two children. A daughter in Arizona who sends Christmas cards that look professionally staged and a son somewhere on the East Coast who hasn’t visited in years. She never says they are cruel. She says, instead, “Life got busy for them.” Some sentences are so polished by repetition you can see the pain in the shine.
