“We’re finally comfortable, Marie,” Christopher said one night over pasta I could barely swallow. “Why would we change everything now?”
“I’m 37,” I said. “I don’t have forever.”
He sighed.
“I don’t want to start over at 40. A baby changes everything.”
“I know,” I said. “I just wanted it to matter that I wanted one.”
His face tightened. “My answer hasn’t changed.”
“A baby changes everything.”
After that, I stopped asking.
I stayed on birth control. I smiled at baby showers, then went home to cry where Christopher couldn’t hear me.
Then one awful week, my pharmacy changed hours, my car battery died, and I missed my refill.
I missed a few pills, but at 38, part of me believed my body had missed its chance anyway.
Then coffee made me sick.
I took three tests before work.
I stayed on birth control.
