He’d courted me the old-fashioned way my own father approved of — showing up to family dinners early, learning my grandmother’s recipe for oxtail well enough to cook it himself the second Christmas we were together, writing me letters even though we lived twenty minutes apart and could have just called. I fell for the version of Marcus that existed in those early years, a version I still believe was at least partly real, before whatever hunger my grandmother saw in his family finally caught up with him.
My grandmother, Louisa Boyd, had come to the wedding wearing her disapproval like a second dress underneath the first one. She’d never said much against Marcus directly — she wasn’t the kind of woman who wasted words on things she couldn’t change — but I remember her pulling me aside in the church vestibule that day, straightening my veil with hands that had raised me since I was eleven.
“That family’s got a hunger in it, baby,” she said. “The kind that don’t ever fill up, no matter what you pour into it. You mind yourself around hunger like that.”
I laughed it off then. Nine years later, standing up from that desk with divorce papers still wet with ink, I finally understood exactly what she’d meant.
Our daughter, Maya, was born a year and a half into the marriage. Our son, Elijah, followed almost three years after that, a delivery so difficult — preeclampsia that spiked dangerously in the final weeks, a hemorrhage afterward that kept me in the hospital four extra days — that my doctor sat both Marcus and me down afterward and told us, in no uncertain terms, that another pregnancy could genuinely put my life at risk.
Marcus scheduled a vasectomy three weeks later, on his own, without me even asking. I remember crying in the recovery room parking lot, not from sadness, but from something closer to relief — a man who’d protect me even from a risk only my own body carried. I thought, foolishly, that it was proof of something permanent between us.
I didn’t know then that permanent, for Marcus, had an expiration date built into it the whole time.
